Monday, August 17, 2009

Six Pounds In Three Days!

So on my way to the cubicle this morning I stopped by the pallet scale just to find out exactly how bad these car and bike shows are for my weight. Sadly to say, I am now back up to 288 lbs. In just three days I gained six pounds. But I guess that is what a weekend of McDonalds, Burger King, Bob Evans, Guinness, Fat Tires and deep fried fair food will get you.

Granted, I could have made healthier decisions such as getting a vegetable omelet for breakfast instead of blueberry pancakes with strawberry and whipped cream topping or not getting the cheeseburger value meal and having a salad instead (I hate fast food salads), but I didn’t. All I have done is increased the challenge of hitting the current weight goal of 275 lbs with an additional six. I really didn’t set a deadline to hit the current goal, but I was really hoping to try and knock it out in a little over a week. Now that I have to lose twelve pounds instead of seven I am guessing that it will take me at least two weeks.

The strangest thing about this weekend was that since I hadn’t exercised all last week I was craving physical activity. For me, that isn’t right. We are talking about the guy who has been known to sit in front of his computer all weekend long immersed in the World of Warcraft… physical activity is just not my thing. But I have wanted to get back to the gym pretty bad lately. The only problem with that is that I am currently without a vehicle to get me there.

With my Chevy Venture, or as my good friend Garin calls it the “Blue Rajah”, still out of commission I am at the will of my loving chauffeur… I mean wife, until we get the van back up and running. The good side of that is that since she has to take me to work I can’t make any detours for breakfast as I have been known to do. So while it might be a pain to juggle both our schedules for a while, it will keep me from eating out every morning and hopefully inch closer to my goal of 275 lbs.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Fat Friday: 8-14-09

I apologize for the late Friday update. Things have been crazy since last night and I am just now able to sit down and update you about my current state of fatness. Unfortunately I don’t have any visuals today. Between getting ready for a Corvette and Chevy show this weekend and having my own Chevy Venture break down on my way to work this morning, I was unable to take any front and side pictures of my sexy self for today. However, I was able to jump up on the pallet scale at work really quick and get a snapshot of this.

Scale 8-14-09

That’s right baby! I have lost 5.2 lbs. this week. Chances are that I probably actually lost eight or nine pounds and I have gained back three or four, but it is still five pounds lighter than the last weigh in.

With the triathlon over and having no other physical goals to work towards I have decided to restructure both the blog and my personal goals. Instead of training to complete another race that I probably shouldn’t be attempting, I am actually going to start working towards actual weight goals so that I can slim down and be able to participate in other things better than I can at my current weight. Because of this I will only be updating the blog a couple of days during the week instead of every weekday. I just don’t see my dieting and exercise habits being interesting enough to create a daily updates.

So since I have finally hit the goal that I set for myself at the beginning of this whole ordeal, the new goal will be 275 lbs. I thought about just setting it at 280 since I am already rather close and I will probably gain another two or three pounds this weekend at the car show, but hitting 275 will be much more rewarding. Thanks again to all of you who have been following me and I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Cicero Triathlon: Running

By the time I had completed the first two events, I surprisingly still had quite a bit of energy left to accomplish the run portion. My legs however, did not agree with me.

For those of you who know me, you’ve known about the fact that I have a rather messed up leg situation that has caused me to visit many physical therapists in the past along with needing prescribed custom fitted orthopedics to put in my shoes. Long story short, the bones in my legs twisted as they grew causing one of my legs to be slightly longer than the other. There is a fix for this, but I personally don’t want to have both of my legs broken and reset with me sitting in a wheel chair during the healing process and then having to go through physical therapy to train myself to walk again.

So it wasn’t surprising that my calves were hard as rocks when I started jogging down the first part of the run course. I tried to continue at a brisk jog, but every time my foot came down on the ground pain shot through my calves of steel and I couldn’t forge through. Stopping wasn’t an option and neither was giving up after I had already struggled through the first two events. Calling upon the power of the elderly mall walkers of America, I began to speed walk which still caused some discomfort, but not nearly as bad as jogging.

As I continued on my three mile speed walk I realized that there were indeed people that had not passed me during the bike portion of the race. This realization came as a surprise as they proceeded to pass me during the run portion that I was speed walking. Again they were very supportive as they bested me, which again gave me the mixed feelings of sarcastic support. However, this time the spectators sitting in their front lawns were also clapping and cheering as I passed by their houses. It is an odd day when a family sits together in their lawn chairs and gives a fat man passing by overwhelming applause as if he had done something other slowly pass by their location… but it was nice.

The whole walking thing took me what seemed to be forever to complete and as I rounded the final corner to the finish line, my good friend Alex yelled that if I thought I was going to walk across that finish line that he would proceed to beat the crap out of me… so I picked up the pace and ran towards the final goal. Even though I was one of the last people to come through, there were still spectators and other athletes lined up on each side cheering me on, slapping me on the back as I passed and reaching out to give a high five to the overweight, out of shape guy who didn’t die.

Completing the course felt wonderful, but the enthusiasm from the other athletes and spectators took that feeling to a whole other level. Never before have I experienced so much support from people that I don’t even know. As I stood at the end, my wife quickly found her way over and we embraced as she let me know how proud she was. Many others have told me the same thing either on here, trough email or face to face and I appreciate it all. For me, completing this goal let me know that I wasn’t as far gone as I and many others had thought… not that I am by any means in good shape, just not horrible.

Tomorrow is Fat Friday, though I am expecting to have gained weight since I have done no exercise at all since the triathlon and have eaten some rather terrible food… Hardee’s breakfast, bacon and pineapple pizza, homemade ice cream with brown sugar Pop Tart topping (delicious) and Chick-Fil-A breakfast just to name a few. Still, I will be weighing in and maybe even setting a new goal since the triathlon has been checked off the list.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Cicero Triathlon: Biking

If my physique didn’t give away the fact that this was my first triathlon, the bike sure did. To help you visualize what I mean, imagine all the other slim and sexy triathletes dismounting their sleek street bikes off of their fancy car racks as I pulled and tugged my Huffy out of a minivan. Needless to say, as I walked my rust coated beauty over to the preparation area I got a lot of stares. In fact, I know that on several occasions that the shock of seeing my bike stopped conversations, which I found to be quite humorous.

There was no doubt going into this race that I would have the absolute worse bike on the course, but I had no idea that some of the other bikes were going to be so fancy. My basket wielding mountain bike didn’t stand a chance against some of these Tour de France contenders. Even before I mounted up and got on the course I knew that I would be near the end of the pack.

Sure enough, even though I was part of the first swim group, everybody ended up passing me or at least it felt that way. The most interesting part about being passes was how nice everybody was about it. The first couple of times that other bikers started to go around me they would shout out things such as, “Keep up the good work!” or “You’re doing great man!” Now the cynical side of me automatically assumed that these people were being sarcastic jack-asses, but there was no hiding the sincerity of their support. Throughout the entire race I experience more positive support from the other participants than I have in any other activity I have done.

Even though the other riders were being extremely supportive, it didn’t make up for the fact that I was being passed by everybody. Elderly women who were the last to start the race had caught up and surpassed me. It wasn’t until about three quarters through that I then realized I had not once changed gears and had been biking the entire course in middle gear. After I got over the next hill I quickly switched it over into high gear and I was soon flying much faster than I had been. By that point it was too late. Nobody else passed me after that, but I am pretty sure that it was because there was nobody left to pass me.

Other than not knowing the course and dying for two right turns to come up so that I knew that I was headed back to the beginning of the course, the bike event went smoothly. My old faithful bike didn’t give me any problems and the basket did a great job of holding my water bottles so that I wouldn’t have to reach out to the sidelines and spill water all over the volunteers as I clumsily grabbed at the cups they were holding out. As much as I am grateful that my sister loaned her bike to me, I think that if I decide to participate in another bike event I will simply break down and get something that might help me keep up with the rest of the pack.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Cicero Triathlon: Swimming

Every time that the triathlon has been brought up in discussion, people tell me that they believe the swim would be the most difficult portion of the event. Being a fairly natural swimmer, I had always figured that it would be the easiest leg of the course. I was wrong.

It wasn’t the overall length of the swim that made things difficult, but rather all the other obstacles on the course. For starters, Morse Reservoir is the absolute dirtiest body of water I have ever set foot into. As I jumped in off the side of the dock, my world went from being bright and sunny to dingy green in seconds. The water was so thick with algae that as I held my hand in front of my face I could not see it. I now understand why they wanted to cancel the swim portion… though I am really glad they didn’t.

Another obvious obstacle was the other swimmers. I had been told stories of other triathletes who had been kicked so hard (accidentally of course) that they had to stop and get assistance from the helper boats. I had already told myself that even if I were to get kicked that I would not allow myself to call for the helper boats since those that do get their times disqualified. Of course that was before I got kicked five times in the face, side and head… but I simply just turned over to my back, caught my breath and continued forward.

Having helper boats during the swim portion of the race is clearly something that is needed to insure the safety of all the swimmers. However, between the wake created by the large motorboats and jet skis trolling back and forth along each side of the swim path and the heavy gasoline fumes that they spewed across the top of the water, there were times that they seemed to be a bigger hindrance than help. The first time that I came up out of the water to catch my breath and ended up having my lungs filled with the taste of gasoline instead, I knew that the trek across this nasty lake was not going to be easy.

Although the swim portion of the triathlon was much more difficult than I anticipated, I simply just kept moving forward and persevered around the obstructions. When I flipped over onto my back after being kicked or taking in too much gasoline flavored air I am sure there were little children who tugged on their parents shirts trying to get them to notice the manatee who had mysteriously appeared in the middle of Morse Reservoir, but I kept going. Through all of the nasty algae infested water, I completed the swim portion without stopping or needing assistance from the boats.

I plan on going through each portion of the triathlon this week and filling you in on all the details of the event. Tomorrow I will fill you in on all the exciting adventures I had during the biking portion of the race and even though there is no race to train for, Fat Friday will continue.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Cicero Triathlon Complete!

I won't bore you with too many details today. Below I have listed out my times along with some pictures for your viewing pleasure.

Bib number: 245
Overall Place: 331 out of 332
Division Place: 22 out of 22
Gender Place: 214 out of 215
Swim Time: 11:42
1st Transition: 3:25
Bike Time: 48:40
2nd Transition: 1:30
Run Time: 44:45
Overall Time: 1:50:00

I have been telling people that I came in 328th place out of 400 all weekend because I looked at the online results incorrectly and I thought that we had a full line of racers, but apparently sixty-eight people didn't show up on race day. Also, they rank your individual times in each event which was what I was looking at seeing that my swim time was 301st out of 332, my bike time was 331st our of 332 and my run was 328th our of 332 which was the place I was telling everybody. The bike time was my worst and I will give you all more information about that later on this week. But now, picture time!

After jumping into the lake I knew why they had considered going to a run-bike-run event... it was filthy.

Gettin' Out Of The Water
Climbing out of the water after being kicked in the face and gut the entire way over.

Get On That Bike & Ride
Getting ready to mount up and ride!

Fat Man On A Little Bike
Fat Man On A Little Bike

Run Forest, RUN!
Done with the bike portion. Now onto the run... which quickly turned into a walk.

Coming To The Finish!
Coming into the final stretch... with both feet off the ground.

Triathletes Unite!
Triathletes of the day UNITE! Taking some pics with Alex, his beautiful lady, his father and brother... all triathletes. But somebody is missing from this picture.

Where's Gary?
Where's Gary? He wasn't able to run with us as he had twisted his ankle the day before. Sorry man. There is always next year!

Banana Man!
Here I am stoically scarfing down my celebratory banana.

Checking The Stats
Checking to see if they had posted my stats yet. The answer, no. I don't think that they post the second to last place position up.

My Little Sis
My little sister took all of these photos for me. Without her there would be nothing for you all to see. Thank you Lori! Your brother loves you.

My Beautiful Woman
And of course I can't forget my loving and supportive wife. Without you Stephanie I would not have been able to complete this goal. Thank you for being there for me and letting me "train" while I should have been taking care of other responsibilities around the house. You are my everything and I will love you always and forever.

Enough of that cheese! My first goal is complete! Now if I could only hit that first weight loss goal of 285 lbs. I'll bring more detailed updates about how the triathlon went as the week goes on. Thank you all to those who have been following along. For now enjoy the pictures and help me celebrate my first victory!

Friday, August 7, 2009

A Very Special Fat Friday: 8-7-09

I apologize for the lack of updates over the past two days. Again, it goes back to finding that good balance thing… but let’s not talk about the past. It’s Friday and that means that we get to see just how much progress I have made in a week.

Scale 8-7-09

Another .4 pounds down, which means that I am only 2.6 pounds from hitting the only goal that I have ever set for myself. As I am the constant procrastinator, taking a month to accomplish a goal isn’t all that bad. In fact if I ever do get down to 285 it will probably take me another month just to set my next goal.

Of course a picture of a scale and some blithering about how fat I am isn’t why you all come to visit every Friday and today is even more special than most. I mentioned some time back that I would let you all see the tri-shorts that I picked up for tomorrow’s race and I figured what better way to show them off than to showcase them here on the weekly weight in. So, without further stalling…

Weigh in 8-7-09

Man do I look good in those shorts! One would think that they would be constrictive and binding, but they are the most comfortable things I have worn in ages. In fact, if my work didn’t have a strict dress code against them, I would wear these babies with a shirt and a tie every day… the shirt would be tucked in of course.

I know that it’s difficult to see if there have been any changes from the first time that I displayed my Adonis-esque body to the world, so since today is the last Friday before the triathlon I went ahead and slapped this comparison together. Before you take a look, realize that the front view looks almost exactly the same… but you can definitely tell a difference from the side.

Weight Transformation 8-7-09

It is amazing that I have only lost three pounds from the first time I started Fat Friday and my stomach is significantly smaller. I know that one can argue that I have probably gained muscle mass since I have started working out, but I don’t think that I have gained enough to make is so that three pounds is all I have lost. The truth is that even though I am working out and trying to eat better I still sneak off to Penn Station for a medium Philly with a large fresh cut fries and fresh squeezed lemonade. So only losing three pounds seems very reasonable to me.

In triathlon news, this came to my email yesterday:
We will be swimming! Based on the overwhelming comments from participants, we will be holding the swim portion with a few added precautions made due to the warning issued by the Department of Health regarding blue/green algae. We will have hoses available for rinsing after the swim portion if you choose and the pool house showers will be available after the race. Please consider that the hoses can only rinse so many people at a time and there are limited number of showers in the pool house. We will have close to a full field of 400 on race day so if you choose to use the hose or showers, please be patient.

Woo-Hoo! I won’t have to run twice! This was the best news I have gotten in a long time. Also, for those of you wondering, I have no intention of stopping at the hoses to wash off before I hit the bike portion of the race. My body hair creates a rather protective barrier for my skin and I will more than likely sweat enough to clean anything stuck to my body off, so I see no need to stop and hose down.

Tomorrow is the big day! After all this talk and hype and haphazard training the big day has finally arrived. Since I did the mock triathlon last weekend I know that this race can be conquered. The real question is: How fast can I finish it? I am not looking to kill myself over an event that I am only trying to finish, but I do want to complete this thing as fast as I possibly can. Thank you all for your support thus far. It has been fun sharing this event in my life with you all. Come back Monday for the full results and hopefully a slew of pictures that document the big day.

Only 1 day left.
Current weather forecast: Partly Cloudy with a High of 90

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

To Be Young Again...

Recently some old photos of myself have been surfacing. These pictures feature a much younger and skinnier version of me than what this blog has been presenting. To give you an idea of where I have come from, for your consideration I present to you…

Skinny Fritz

Who’s that dude? During high school I always saw myself as overweight and fairly unattractive. But looking at this picture makes me realize that I was only a fashion makeover away from being in an N’Sync cover band. Look at that sexy guy oddly holding a Magna Doodle for some unknown reason. However, while skinny Jake is most definitely a positive of this picture, the absolute best aspect is my good friend Shane who even though was a year younger than I could already grow some seriously manly facial hair. Well played old man… well played.

So now you can see one of the major catalysts for losing weight. To help you better understand where I am coming from I have made this side by side comparison.

Skinny VS Fat

Wow… I think I just depressed myself even more than the first time I looked at that picture. Most people gain the dreaded “Freshman Fifteen” after high school. As always I went above and beyond the norm and packed on the Freshman Fifty… and then another fifty for good measure. However, while this skinny kid is well under a hundred pounds lighter than I am now, at least I’m… I now have… I’ve now got… I’m going to… Nope. I got nothing. I would absolutely love to be back at that weight again. Here’s to dreaming.

Only 4 days left.
Current weather forecast: High of 87 with a 30% chance of thunder storms

Monday, August 3, 2009

Tri Trial Complete

The mock triathlon was a success! And by success I mean that I didn’t die. In fact, I had actually set up the overall course to be slightly more than the actual race just so I made sure my body could handle it all, which I now know I can. I didn't take any pictures this time through as I am waiting for the actual event to do so.

Yesterday we headed over to my father in-law’s house to begin the swim portion of the course. This is where I got to try out my brand spankin’ new Tri-Shorts. They are as tight as a Speedo but breath as if you were wearing nothing at all… very sexy. These babies stayed snug and secure for all three legs of the course.

Since I had decided that I was going to swim a greater distance than what was required, I went ahead and shot for thirty laps as Gary had informed me previously that our sixteen laps was incorrect and we actually needed twenty-eight. It wasn’t until after I had completed the entire course that my idea of laps consisted of down and back equaling one while his was a simple one end to the other… meaning I did almost double of what I was supposed to do.

The thirty laps took me about a minute each and even after doing double the amount needed I wasn’t tired… this might have to do with the fact that one-fourth of the laps were done using the backstroke and that my fatty cushion gives me natural buoyancy, but let’s move onto the bike ride.

After I completed my laps I hopped on to my trusty Huffy Black Water that had two water bottles up front in the basket to help keep me hydrated and set off on the course I had laid out wearing only my Tri-Shorts and brand new running shoes. I did modify the bike course slightly to add an extra mile in the overall length.

Tri-Trial Revised

It wasn’t until I turned onto the first main road that I remembered it was Sunday morning. As I rode through the streets in all my topless glory that you have been privilege to seeing every Friday, I began passing churches that were either getting ready to start service or were just getting out. While at first I thought it would be awkward the fact that Christians are loving and supportive people soon came back to me and nothing compares to the support I received from the little old ladies that were standing outside. Riding by I would hear them say such things as, “Dear Lord”, “My God” and “Oh Jesus” which I can only assume was the beginning to their prayers asking the almighty to watch over this stud of a man as he traveled on his journey.

The overall bike ride was about eleven miles long and I completed the entire route in forty-five minutes. I probably would have done better if I didn’t have to stop at every light and intersection, though it also wouldn’t have hurt if I didn't coast down every hill and slow down every time I would ride through shade. As soon as I got back to my father in-law’s house I took off on my run.

The run started off as a slow jog so that I could regain my balance after being on the bike for so long. I have heard some hilarious stories of tri-athletes face planting themselves as they transition from the bike to the run and don't get their balance correct. As soon as I knew that I was good to go, I maintained my pace and it only slowed further from there. By the time I had gotten out of the subdivision and back onto the main streets my feeble jog had turned into some half-hearted power walk. I knew from the start that the run portion would be my biggest hurdle, but I did not know that my legs would be so tight that if I even tried to run everything just tensed up and made it impossible to move… so my three mile run turned into a three mile walk which took me about an hour to complete.

My overall tri-time was two and a half hours. Gary looked up the time of the person who came in last place at Cicero last year and it was two hours and fifteen minutes. Needless to say, I really don’t care as I am simply only wanting to complete the course this year. Also needless to say, I am tired and sore. Sorry for the lengthy update today, but I wanted to share the overall experience with you. I will be keeping you up to date this week as we countdown to the big day this Saturday.

Only 5 days left.
Current weather forecast: High of 84 with a 30% chance of thunder storms

Friday, July 31, 2009

Fat Friday: 7-31-09

Another Friday, another time to jump on the scale and see just how fat is Fritz. A friend of mine told me that the weights I have been posting aren’t exactly accurate since I am fully dressed every time that I measure my weight. I get strange enough looks from the shipping department when I hop up on their pallet scale with my clothes on… But let’s move on to the weigh in shall we?

Scale 7-31-09

Woo-hoo! I dropped a whole 1.6 lbs. this week which is still three pounds shy of the first goal I set over twenty-one days ago. As you can see I am really barreling through those pounds to hit that goal. With that said, Steph still thinks that I have been slimming down but I still maintain my stance about her being my wife and having to be a positive motivation for me. Take a look for yourself.

Weigh In 7-31-09

So with only one week left before the big day I have lost a total of 2.6 lbs. in less than a month. With all sincerity, that is awful. Of course it doesn’t help that I eat three hot dogs on pretzel buns covered in chili and cheese sauce for lunch or the fact that I have only had maybe two or three legitimate workout sessions for the past week and a half either. No matter how you look at it, the final day is coming and I will have to go through with it no matter how much I weigh.

Speaking of the Cicero triathlon, I got a message in my email yesterday giving me some interesting information about the upcoming event. Below is a portion of what I received.

Blue/Green Algae: As some of you have heard by now, the Indiana Department of Health has issued a warning about blue/green algae (it sounds pretty, doesn't it?) for Geist Reservoir and Morse Reservoir. I have attached the Press Release. I am awaiting word from the IDOH specifically how this may impact the Triathlon. In the meantime, we are proceeding with having a swim portion of the triathlon. I am working on getting hoses available for anyone who wants to rinse off after exiting the lake. The showers in the pool house will be available as well. If we must cancel the swim portion, we do have a plan in place to change to a run-bike-run event. We hope we do not have to take that action, but wanted you to know that we are prepared.


I then looked up the press release that was attached and read exactly what this algae does to a person. Apparently if it comes in contact with your skin you get some rash and if you swallow it then you can get some pretty serious gastrointestinal illness. Rashes can be cured with skin ointments and rubs and anybody who has had the pleasure of being the next in line after me at a public restroom will tell you that I’ve already got some gastrointestinal problems. Hopefully they continue on with the swim and don’t make us run the distance because I don’t know if I could handle that right now.

On another note, the national weather service is predicting a warm day with an eighty degree high with scattered thunder storms for race day. WONDERFUL! First algae and now storms. Lucky for me this is Indiana and the weather changes constantly… not to mention that meteorologists are almost always wrong when trying to predict weather that far in advance, especially in the Midwest. Only one week left to go!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Tri-n' It Out

After much deliberation, I have decided that this Sunday I am going to run a mock triathlon. This will allow me to not only see if I can survive such an ordeal, but provide me with a relative time frame for completing the actual event as well. Also it allows me to gauge just how horribly I will perform so I can prepare for the public humiliation I have set myself up to receive.

In preparation for this run I have set equivalent distances to the actual triathlon with a 10.4 mile bike route and a 3.2 mile running… jogging, probably walking route that centers around our current residence and my father in-law’s house since that is where I will be doing the swimming portion (16 full laps = 200 yards).


Knowing how long it takes me to complete a route that is comparable to the Cicero triathlon will give me an idea of what to expect when I run the real thing and it will help set a goal for the big day. My hope is that if I simply just set a goal of a time that I want to beat that I won’t get caught up in trying to race the other participants and in the process make an even bigger fool of myself. Also, I have been told that you shouldn’t push yourself too hard the week before a competition, so Sunday will be my final big push with the rest of the week being simple runs, bikes or swims to keep me on my toes… that is if I am still able to function afterword.

Tomorrow is Fat Friday and I can tell you that it will be very similar to last Friday. As I came into work this morning the scale read the exact same thing as it did before. Of course I know that those topless pictures will keep you coming back for more no matter what the weight change might be.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Work vs. Updates vs. Moving vs. Training

I apologize for the late post today. We’ve been getting in huge shipments of motorcycle lifts and chocks at work over the past couple of days and unloading them from the containers is a long and strenuous process. To give you an idea of just how exhausting of a job it is, yesterday we had two chains of guys unloading over 2,000 pieces of equipment that weigh twenty pounds each by hand for a little over an hour straight. Now only do your arms get sore from constantly lifting, but the inside of the container is nothing more than a hot box that causes you to sweat twice as bad as you normally would. This is an event that happens usually twice a year and leaves me looking something like this.

Dirty Fu Man Chu

Look at that nastiness. It’s hard to go back to your desk job after you are covered in sweat and dirt let alone try to knock out a blog update. That picture was obviously taken after a previous unloading as I am no longer rockin’ the fu man chu style beard. Every now and then I like to mix up the facial hair and I personally think that the fu man chu helps me look like I know a little something about motorcycles (even though I know next to nothing). Here is another one of myself down in Daytona Beach for Bike Week.

Daytona Bike Week

While I do cover myself in sweat and put strain on muscles that I hardly ever use, unloading these huge containers is no replacement for actual training and exercise. Unfortunately I have only been able to get to the gym once so far this week and was only there for a half an hour as it was already 10:30 at night and I was already exhausted from working on the new house. We are hoping to be completely moved in by this Saturday, so I should be able to get back to a more rigid training schedule after then… though I will only have a week left by that point in time.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

That's What Friends Are For


Running a triathlon is not an idea that I would come up with on my own. The first time that it was brought to my attention was last year when my father worked as a volunteer at the Cicero Triathlon and saw my good friend Alex competing. My father then joked about the two of us training to compete the following year and I replied by saying that there was no way I would be able to do such an event.

The second time that the idea was floated my way was when I was getting together with two of my best friends, one of them being Alex, to simply catch up and see how our lives have been. Alex has always been an athlete and participates in events such as the Indianapolis Mini Marathon, so in passing I brought up the Cicero Triathlon and asked how his training was going for this year. After that things get blurry.

Alex had somehow convinced both Gary and me to participate in the event along with him this year even though it was a little over two months away and we had never done anything such as this before. Being a swimmer in high school, Gary had persuaded me that the swimming portion would be a piece of cake and that the only real hurdle would be the three mile run at the end of the event. So by the end of the night, we are all in for an experience I am sure we will never forget.

Above I posted a picture of the three of us, from left to right Gary, myself and Alex. It isn’t the best picture as it was taken at my bachelor party probably thirty minutes before everything went black and there is severe memory loss for the rest of that night.

These two have been very gung-ho about participating in the triathlon while my other friends have reacted slightly more realistically to my announcement. It’s not that the others doubt my desire to complete the event, but when a guy does little to no physical activity for the majority of his life it is reasonable to doubt in my ability to do so. I know that they are simply worried about my overall health and would prefer for me to be alive seeing that a dead guy doesn’t make for a very good friend. But surprisingly I haven’t come across any people that are completely unsupportive about the idea.

Obviously this blog was meant to be a humorous approach to the fact that an obese man such as myself would attempt such an event. But I have to say that the overwhelming support I have received from my friend and family has meant an awful lot to me. Only eleven more days to go.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Weekend Update

First and foremost, the painting of our new house is finally complete. While this should mean that I will have more time to focus on my training, the actual interpretation comes out to suggest that we can now start working on moving all of our junk over from the old house. I know that with only two weeks left I should be putting the triathlon as a top priority, but seeing that participating in this triathlon is only going to be a onetime thing that I probably shouldn’t be attempting in the first place, my family takes precedence.

I was more diligent about preparing for the triathlon this weekend than I was last week. Not only did I wake up early to get some training in, but Steph and I also headed downtown to The Runners Forum to pick up some new gear to replace the current equipment that I have worn to shreds. The salesman, Smitty I believe, was very helpful in assisting me in choosing the proper gear that fit my specific needs. I informed him that I was getting ready to run my first triathlon and that there were some specific things I needed before being able to do so. It was nice that he didn’t break down laughing at that point, but he was a business man that wanted to make a sale so I am sure he waited to do so until after I left.

The first item that Smitty helped me decide upon was proper running shoes. For those of you that don’t know, I have some seriously messed up legs where the bones twisted as they grew causing one of my legs to be shorter than the other. Trust me, I have heard every joke possible about skating in a circle due to this problem. But I digress… One of the main reasons that I choose to go to the Runners Forum over the Footlocker is that they actually help you pick a shoe that fits your running style. I had to run up and down this make-shift track as Smitty watched my stride and decided what type of shoes would best support the blubbery mass that was tromping through his store. After trying on several pairs, we finally decided upon these…

New Running Shoes

They are very comfortable. In fact, Stephanie had to make sure to remind me that I am only to wear these shoes while I am working out since she knows I would wear them everywhere as I do with any pair of sneakers that I get. The best part about The Runners Forum was that Smitty actually helped me get a pair of shoes that fit and worked the best for me instead of just trying to push the highest cost pair my way. I saw the price on some of those things and almost fainted. I guess when your main hobby is running you spend as much on shoes as I do on comics and candy.

There was another item that I picked up at the store as well, but I am saving it for a special post. Just know that I am now fully equipped with the gear that will help me complete this triathlon in style.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Officially Registered

As I have yet to register for the triathlon, I have had several people doubt my intentions to actually participate. It has been said that until I am actually signed up and can provide verification of my registration that there is no guarantee that I will attempt to complete this triathlon. My response to the negative naysayers… Confirmation

This afternoon I officially signed up to participate in the Cicero triathlon via and if that isn’t good enough proof for you…

Email Confirmation

Here is the email verification that was sent to my Joe Mamma Productions account.

Over sixty dollars down and all I will get to show for it is a t-shirt and possibly a heart attack. My real hope is that this will motivate me even further and help to kick my lazy butt into gear. Here’s hoping.

Fat Friday: 7-24-09

It’s finally here, the triumphant return of Fat Friday. That’s right. It is time for me to jump up on that scale and hope that it doesn’t read “TILT”. So since I know you have all been dying to see how my weight loss goal has been going…

July 24th Scale

So while the number is less than last time and even though I had an extra week to work on it, 289.6 is nowhere close to the goal that I had set for myself. Many things can attribute to this failure such as the lack of exercise I have been getting, the delicious chicken wings and fries from Wing Stop or BBQ chicken salad from Applebee’s that I’ve had for lunch this week, the fact that our new fridge only has leftovers from Hot Box Pizza and Church’s Chicken and I’ll even throw out the fact that maybe it’s just genetic… it’s not but I can say that. No matter what the cause is I have not done very well over the past two weeks. My wife has told me several times that I look as if I am slimming down, but I don’t know if she is being honest or nice. Of course I took pictures to help me decide.

July 24th, 2009

I guess my stomach does look a little smaller in this picture compared to the… hell, it looks exactly the same as the last one. In fact I think that the one pound difference probably came from the hair that I cut and shaved off of my head. I’m pretty sure that if you bagged all those clippings it would weigh at least one pound if not more.

With that out of the way my next plan of action is to prepare for the weekend. More painting, packing and moving is top of the priority list right now, but I’ve been told that I have a few more things that I should look into getting before attempting to complete a triathlon. Apparently the hand-me-down Reebok shoes that I have been wearing for the better part of a year aren’t the best choice for running shoes and I’ve been told that if I wear my three year old swim trunks that there is a good chance I could severely injure my inner thighs when I switch over to the bike portion of the race. What does this mean? In the coming week you can plan on getting some updates of my brand spankin’ new triathlon gear. Now I just have to get back to training so I can actually use the stuff.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Exercise Break


As I have mentioned several times now, my wife and I have just recently purchased our first house and have been working diligently (she's doing the majority of the work, I mainly just act as if I am doing something) to make this house our home. So between motorcycle shows, the house closing and a ton of painting my exercise routine has gone downhill. The last time that I pushed myself physically was last Friday at the hotel gym where I ran on the elliptical machine for an hour while a bunch of old men sat around watching Fox News… talk about a test of strength.

So it is back again to trying to find that balance between work, home, exercise and creativity. I do have to say that even though I am upset about the loss of training time, I have thoroughly enjoyed spending time with my wife as we start a brand new chapter in our lives together. Awww… I know, it sickens me as well. But if I had to choose between sweating my butt off or spending quality time with my family, I will always choose family because I love them and it usually doesn’t consist of hard manual labor.

Of course we haven’t been working alone either. Steph’s mom has been over every day helping us prep and paint and my dad stopped by unexpectedly the other day and mowed our whole yard for as since I have yet to get my own lawn mower. I love our family.

Tomorrow is Fat Friday, so be prepared for another addition to those pictures that you love so much. Don’t be expecting anything great in the way of weight loss however as I am guessing that my weight will still be hovering around 290 if not more. I really do need to kick it into high gear seeing that there are only 15 days left until the big event. I am so not ready for this.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Pizza Power!

Dessert PizzaI don’t know if my love of pizza stems from my infatuation with the Ninja Turtles or if it just my fat side loving a food that condenses meals into edible slices, but there is no doubt that I thoroughly enjoy a well made pizza pie. Thin crust, hand tossed, deep dish… I love every one of them. In fact I would say that pizza is in the top ten list of foods that have assisted in my fatness. Is it my fault that thin crust pizzas are so thin that eating three pieces is technically just like having only one?

The only thing that can make eating pizza better is getting it at a pizza buffet. Have a slice of buffalo chicken followed by a deep dish supreme and keep on going with a thin crust veggie… the options are endless. Not only do pizza buffets offer up a multitude of regular pizza options, most of them include some sort of dessert pizza as well. Forget tomato sauce, meat and cheese, I want a cinnamon sugar crust with cherry pie filling topped off with cinnamon crumbles and smothered with icing.

Buffets of any kind can be very dangerous for a man who loves to eat, but they can also aid in training for events of gluttony. A while back, a co-worker of mine had decided that he was going to participate in a local pizza eating contest. Not having been in such an event before, a group of us decided that it would be best to have a contest of our own so that he wouldn’t go in not having some experience under his belt. The details are rather hazy and others seem to remember me eating more than I think I did, but after about twenty slices my co-worker headed out to the parking lot to purge while I continued to eat my delicious dessert pizza, and breadsticks, and a couple more slices of dessert pizza…

If you have been following the facebook group you know that even during my triathlon training I have indulged myself with a few slices of this delicious food. In fact, while we’ve been painting and getting our new house ready, Steph and I had Hot Box Pizza deliver right to our front door. Nothing satisfies at the end of the day like a supreme pizza on whole wheat crust. Now I just have to double up my exercise tonight to work it all off.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Back Home Again

The only reason that this post is being made is because I promised to do so. The bike show in Carlisle Pennsylvania was as fun and exhausting as all bike shows usually are. There was only one difference between this show and the others that I have attended. As soon as we got back home from this show I had to take off and head to the closing of our brand new house. Needless to say, it made for a long day of which I am not completely rested.

On the weight front it is back to square one. I didn’t eat horribly while I was away and I actually got down to the hotel gym twice during our stay… but on the way home we stopped at Cracker Barrel and I couldn’t seem to find anything else to order besides the Mama’s Pancake Breakfast with blueberry pancakes. That coupled with riding in a truck for over twenty hours while stuffing my face with beef jerky has put me right back at 290.1 lbs. Solution? I need to kick it into high gear… while catching up on the work I missed last week, painting our new house and moving everything in. If I do get any free time it is going to be hard to choose between taking a nap or exercise.

I apologize for not supplying any of those topless pictures that you all adore so much. I will make sure to get them taken for this Friday when I plan on hitting the goal of 185 a week late. Until then it is back to the Slim Fast bars for breakfast and lunch and a sensible meal for dinner. Pizza and breadsticks are sensible right? With a slice of pie for dessert… oh how I miss that tasty pastry.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Fat Friday Delayed?

I apologize if this update seems hastily written, but that is because it is. I am getting ready to head to Carlisle Pennsylvania for a motorcycle show that will last all weekend and will probably keep me away from a computer until Tuesday. Going to shows is an aspect of my job that I absolutely love, but it can take me away from friends and family for quite some time. I have yet to figure out the fine balance of work and trying to keep this blog updated regularly or any other creative project that I try to undertake. With that said, as much as I will try to get something up, I highly doubt that there will be any new content until Tuesday. I know that you were all looking forward to more topless pictures of me this Friday, but I will just have to do a delayed Fat Friday update when I get back. I did hop on the scale on my way in this morning and it read just above 286, but these events usually help me gain a couple of pounds so I will more than likely be back to 290 when I weigh in officially on Tuesday. Of course that is only going to give me three days until the next weigh in, but I think I can handle the pressure. Thank you to all who have been following along thus far and I will have an update ready to go Tuesday morning. Have a wonderful weekend.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The Most Important Meal Of The Day

Luther BurgerFifth Third Burger

I have yet to try the famous Luther Burger and while I don’t particularly care for baseball, I would be willing to drive to Comstock Park Michigan just to try the West Michigan Whitecap’s Fifth Third Burger. These are just two of the many amazing foods that have escaped my grasp thus far. Every now and then I take a look around the internet and come across some amazing finds of food fatness. Today I have focused on my favorite meal of the day, breakfast. At no other time can we eat pan fried cake batter and not be judged by others.

BaconeI came across this amazing invention and automatically wanted one… okay, maybe five. This beauty consists of a bacon cone filled with scrambled eggs and country gravy topped off with a biscuit. There is nothing better than putting regular foods together in a stunning display of gluttony.

Blueberry Waffle Breakfast SandwichAnother one of my favorite things I found was this blueberry waffle sandwich. This healthy start to your day has two eggs, two sausage links, ham, string cheese and bacon squeezed between two blueberry waffles that have been glazed with maple syrup.

Cinnamon Role French ToastIt’s not enough that the regular pancakes, waffles and french toast that we have are bad for us… we have to make them worse… I mean delicious. I tip my cap to the likes of The International House of Pancakes for providing society with cream cheese stuffed French toast and all you can eat pancake platters. One of my personal favorites that I don’t think is served anymore is the cinnamon role French toast. Take a delicious and sticky cinnamon role, cut it in half, dip it in French toast batter and fry that baby up! Covered in maple syrup, this morning starter will make your teeth ache for hours… wonderful.


Tuesday, July 14, 2009

A Regular John Keating

I haven’t really shared any stories that explain how I got to be as big as I am… until now.

For two years I was the video production teacher at a local high school. My class was one of the few that allowed the students to leave the campus during school hours if they had a permission slip signed by their parent/guardian and if I allowed them to do so. The reason that they were permitted to leave the school grounds was so that they could get footage for the projects that I had assigned. Of course most of them simply just wanted to leave for the sake of leaving and I wouldn’t agree to that. However, one day, a student who had actually gone out to work on a project brought me back a double cheeseburger from McDonalds just because. Noticing how much I enjoyed the gift, the other students concocted a plan. It was on this day that the exchange of food for freedom began.

Students would ask to go “shoot some footage” that I knew was a blatant cover for simply wanting to leave and would then offer to bring back food if I allowed them to do so. Being the mature individual that I was, and still am, I took their offer but told them to make sure to actually get some footage… which I never did see. This continued on through the rest of my stay at the school. If a student approached me wanting to leave with an obviously fake excuse for doing so, I would ask what they would bring back for me. If they wanted to abuse the privilege of being able to leave, you can bet that I was going to get something out of it.

Lucky enough for me, I had good students who were rather smart about the fact that they had an excellent thing going. Video equipment was always checked out upon their departure and they always managed to sneak whatever food they had gotten back in without being noticed. One of the most impressive displays of this was when three separate groups had gone out, one legitimately and the other two just because. All three had gone and got themselves something to eat and brought back enough food for their fellow classmates as well. Let’s just say that a lunch consisting of a personal pan pizza, cheeseburger and two bean burritos would make any food lover happy.

Monday, July 13, 2009

I Want To Ride My

A while back I took inventory of everything I was going to need to run this triathlon properly. Sneakers for running: on my feet right now. Swim gear for swimming: same pair of trunks I’ve had for three years now. Bike for riding… The only bicycling that I had been doing until that point was on a stationary bike at the gym. I hadn’t even thought about needing a bike. Lucky for me my little sister was gracious enough to lend me her vintage Huffy Black Water Mountain Bike.

My New Bike

Check out all of the cool features it comes with. Ripped up gel padded seat, sticky gears, deflated tires, genuine rust coating and my personal favorite, handle bars that won’t rise up so that I have to lean over the entire time I am riding it. What a gem!

But I am not one to turn a free bike down. In fact, Steph (my wife) and I have been riding all over town since I’ve gotten this baby. Some of our better rides include going to the Elbow Room where our waiter gave us an entire pitcher of water since he obviously thought I was about to pass out and biking to the Shelby Street Café & Bistro for breakfast where I sat catching my breath for a good five minutes before I could even eat anything. Yes, this bike is the start to a brand new era of being extremely sore and wishing I would have just driven to places.

The best part about my new bike is how unique it will be compared to the others in the triathlon. While other guys will have supped up sport bikes with custom handle bars, fancy racing wheels and man legs that just won’t quit… I’ve got a basket! That’s right. While all these other basketless riders will be reaching out to people on the sidelines for water, I’ll just reach forward and grab whatever I might’ve put in there before the race… such as a mid-race hoagie? Who knows?

At least I am fully geared and ready to do this thing. Now the only question that remains is can I actually survive.

Steph got a little photo happy when taking the shots of the bike, so I put some of the other pictures for you to take a gander at. Enjoy!
New Bike Seat & BasketNew Bike WheelNew Bike Chains & PedalNew Bike Seat

Friday, July 10, 2009

What You've All Been Waiting For

So what's the point of calling this blog Fritz Is Fat if people are always wondering, "Exactly how fat is he?" Well my friends, today I solve that mystery by presenting you with the first in many installments of FAT FRIDAY. Every Friday I hope to give you an update of what my exact weight is and how my progress has been going. Why on Friday? So I can weigh myself, hopefully show some improvement and then go binge eat at Hot Box Pizza and Cold Stone Creamery all weekend long. This gives me Monday through Friday to get back on track and appear to be improving. So today, on the way to my cubicle area, I stopped by the pallet scale in the shipping department and took this snapshot.

June 10th Scale

Ladies and gentlemen, I am now officially at 290.6 lbs. Now I know that most of you are thinking, “But Jake, you don’t look like you are pushing three hundred pounds,” and to that I say THANK YOU. However, my 6’3” frame and stylish clothing can be rather deceiving. To combat the unnecessary compliments I am providing you with this second picture as proof of my current weight.

June 10th, 2009

The first picture doesn’t look terribly bad. I’ve just got some major love handles to work off. But as soon as I turn to the side, LOOK OUT! HOLY HELL! Look at that gut… and man boobs… and… well, you saw the body hair in the first picture. I am sure that I will be getting complaints about how people lost their vision due to the grotesque display that I presented. Maybe I should have marked this post as “Not Work Safe” just in case any of you became physically ill.

As a side note, I apologize for the half-assed picture. My beautiful wife and I are getting ready to purchase our first home so things are a little disheveled and we didn’t have any great spots to set the picture up. I do have to say that she did an excellent job of holding her dinner down while snapping the shot though. Way to go babe!

With that update out of the way… I have been told that when one is trying to lose weight that a goal should be set that motivates that person to do better. I’ve never done well with goals as I see them as rules and the one phrase that dictates most of my behavior in life is that rules were made to be broken. But since I am putting this out there for all to see, I suppose I will set a rather standard goal for next Fat Friday. Five pounds. That’s right, by next Friday I will weigh in at 285 lbs so be sure to check in next Friday to find out how fat I really am.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Slim Fast Sucks

I’ve never cared for any kind of dark chocolate, the vanilla and strawberry taste as if the main ingredient is chalk and after I drink the cappuccino flavor I smell it every time that I go to the restroom. Whether you are drinking the brand name Slim-Fast or the generic Slim-Rite, these dietary shakes are some of the most awful tasting things on the planet. With that said, I kinda like the milk chocolate flavored Slim Fasts. They remind me of the sugar free Jell-O pudding pops that your mom would sneak into the freezer to replace the regular pudding pops with in order to keep you from getting childhood diabetes… or was I the only chubbo on the street with the permanent pudding pop ring around my lips all summer long?

Either way, out of all the “fad” diets I’ve tried and dietary supplements I’ve taken, Slim Fast seems to stick with me. I’ve got a box of the Chewy Granola Peanut Butter meal bars in my desk drawer right now. I started drinking the shakes during film school as a quick and cheap meal substitute since my hectic schedule kept me in classes or labs and I didn’t have the time to… who am I kidding? I was lazy and didn’t want to fix dinner and couldn’t afford to go out. Since then I have actually tried to use them to cut back on my calorie intake while still getting the necessary daily nutrients through these quick and easy meal supplements.

The shakes don’t cut it for me. I am likely to drink the shake and still feel hungry enough that I eat a whole other meal… or two. I’m not saying that I’ve had a shake for breakfast followed by a delicious chicken, egg and cheese on a sunflower multigrain bagel from Chik-Fil-A… I’m just saying it could happen. However, the meal bars do a decent job of filling me up and keeping me that way until I get to jam another one of those peanut butter flavored cardboard bars in my mouth. Currently my breakfast and lunch has consisted of these bars along with some milk or a banana. We’ll see if that helps out at all as I get closer and closer to attempting this triathlon.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Facebook Fatty

The original plan was to blog for about a week so there would be enough content on the site to seem interesting before I created a facebook group. However, as most of you know I went ahead and created one anyway. Procrastination was a big impetus behind this decision as I would always rather be sitting at my computer screwing around on the internet than doing anything productive. Anyway, it seems to have paid off since I now have over one hundred twenty-five members and it has only been up for one full day. Thank you to everybody who has left comments, posted pictures and given me some great ideas for future posts. I promise that I will try my best to keep you all entertained while I attempt to show the world that even us fat fat fatties can accomplish what others consider impossible.

For those of you who haven’t joined yet, here is the link to the Fritz Is Fat facebook group.
Facebook Link

The Bell Gives Me Strength

Not that I’ve gone lately, but every time that I work out I get a craving for Taco Bell. There is just something about that grade F beef smothered in cheese and sour cream that hits the spot after an intense workout session (such as walking for an hour straight). I understand that my body is craving nourishment, but I have no idea why it constantly wants to run for the border. Maybe it’s my body refusing to let go of the cushion is has grown to know and love or maybe I am simply just that fat that I can’t stand to not eat what is obviously awful for me. Either way, there is nothing better than a supreme steak chalupa meal with a large diet Pepsi to melt away the aches and pains of exercise.

Chalupa Meal

As you can see, eating this meal piles on another 910 calories to my daily diet. Good thing for me I don’t get an order of cinnamon twists or a caramel apple empanada for dessert… I think about it and almost never get one… or both… almost never.

Calorie Count gave the steak supreme chalupa a D+. That’s almost average, so it can’t be that bad for you. Right?