Friday, July 10, 2009

What You've All Been Waiting For

So what's the point of calling this blog Fritz Is Fat if people are always wondering, "Exactly how fat is he?" Well my friends, today I solve that mystery by presenting you with the first in many installments of FAT FRIDAY. Every Friday I hope to give you an update of what my exact weight is and how my progress has been going. Why on Friday? So I can weigh myself, hopefully show some improvement and then go binge eat at Hot Box Pizza and Cold Stone Creamery all weekend long. This gives me Monday through Friday to get back on track and appear to be improving. So today, on the way to my cubicle area, I stopped by the pallet scale in the shipping department and took this snapshot.

June 10th Scale

Ladies and gentlemen, I am now officially at 290.6 lbs. Now I know that most of you are thinking, “But Jake, you don’t look like you are pushing three hundred pounds,” and to that I say THANK YOU. However, my 6’3” frame and stylish clothing can be rather deceiving. To combat the unnecessary compliments I am providing you with this second picture as proof of my current weight.

June 10th, 2009

The first picture doesn’t look terribly bad. I’ve just got some major love handles to work off. But as soon as I turn to the side, LOOK OUT! HOLY HELL! Look at that gut… and man boobs… and… well, you saw the body hair in the first picture. I am sure that I will be getting complaints about how people lost their vision due to the grotesque display that I presented. Maybe I should have marked this post as “Not Work Safe” just in case any of you became physically ill.

As a side note, I apologize for the half-assed picture. My beautiful wife and I are getting ready to purchase our first home so things are a little disheveled and we didn’t have any great spots to set the picture up. I do have to say that she did an excellent job of holding her dinner down while snapping the shot though. Way to go babe!

With that update out of the way… I have been told that when one is trying to lose weight that a goal should be set that motivates that person to do better. I’ve never done well with goals as I see them as rules and the one phrase that dictates most of my behavior in life is that rules were made to be broken. But since I am putting this out there for all to see, I suppose I will set a rather standard goal for next Fat Friday. Five pounds. That’s right, by next Friday I will weigh in at 285 lbs so be sure to check in next Friday to find out how fat I really am.


  1. Do it, duder.

    Did Gary talk to you about Spin class on Monday?

  2. Hot Box has the best pizza ever. I think you can do a veggie (eve's garden) w/o the cheese, that's the way I do it these days.....

    I know, pizza with no cheese is not pizza.

    It's good, trust me! Plus then you don't have to feel as bad about binging (which you kind of have to do since it is Hot Box).

  3. The last couple of times that we've ordered from Hot Box we have gotten the Hippie crust (multi-grain) with Roma Tomatoes for topping. I will have to try the Eve's Garden since we also enjoy the Spring pizza at Bazbeaux's. But as far as Hot Box is concerned, it is their bread sticks and cheese sauce that I really love. I could cuddle up in front of the TV with two or three orders of those and be very content for the evening.