Fat Friday: 7-31-09

Another Friday, another time to jump on the scale and see just how fat is Fritz. A friend of mine told me that the weights I have been posting aren’t exactly accurate since I am fully dressed every time that I measure my weight. I get strange enough looks from the shipping department when I hop up on their pallet scale with my clothes on… But let’s move on to the weigh in shall we?


Woo-hoo! I dropped a whole 1.6 lbs. this week which is still three pounds shy of the first goal I set over twenty-one days ago. As you can see I am really barreling through those pounds to hit that goal. With that said, Steph still thinks that I have been slimming down but I still maintain my stance about her being my wife and having to be a positive motivation for me. Take a look for yourself.


So with only one week left before the big day I have lost a total of 2.6 lbs. in less than a month. With all sincerity, that is awful. Of course it doesn’t help that I eat three hot dogs on pretzel buns covered in chili and cheese sauce for lunch or the fact that I have only had maybe two or three legitimate workout sessions for the past week and a half either. No matter how you look at it, the final day is coming and I will have to go through with it no matter how much I weigh.

Speaking of the Cicero triathlon, I got a message in my email yesterday giving me some interesting information about the upcoming event. Below is a portion of what I received.

Blue/Green Algae: As some of you have heard by now, the Indiana Department of Health has issued a warning about blue/green algae (it sounds pretty, doesn't it?) for Geist Reservoir and Morse Reservoir. I have attached the Press Release. I am awaiting word from the IDOH specifically how this may impact the Triathlon. In the meantime, we are proceeding with having a swim portion of the triathlon. I am working on getting hoses available for anyone who wants to rinse off after exiting the lake. The showers in the pool house will be available as well. If we must cancel the swim portion, we do have a plan in place to change to a run-bike-run event. We hope we do not have to take that action, but wanted you to know that we are prepared.

My first reaction went something like this, “A RUN-BIKE-RUN! HOW DO THESE PEOPLE THINK THAT RUNNING IS EQUIVALENT TO SWIMMING? THE SWIM AND THE BIKE ARE THE TWO THINGS THAT I KNOW I CAN DO! I CAN BARELY WALK THREE MILES! HOW CAN THEY ADD MORE?”

I then looked up the press release that was attached and read exactly what this algae does to a person. Apparently if it comes in contact with your skin you get some rash and if you swallow it then you can get some pretty serious gastrointestinal illness. Rashes can be cured with skin ointments and rubs and anybody who has had the pleasure of being the next in line after me at a public restroom will tell you that I’ve already got some gastrointestinal problems. Hopefully they continue on with the swim and don’t make us run the distance because I don’t know if I could handle that right now.

On another note, the national weather service is predicting a warm day with an eighty degree high with scattered thunder storms for race day. WONDERFUL! First algae and now storms. Lucky for me this is Indiana and the weather changes constantly… not to mention that meteorologists are almost always wrong when trying to predict weather that far in advance, especially in the Midwest. Only one week left to go!

Tri-n' It Out

After much deliberation, I have decided that this Sunday I am going to run a mock triathlon. This will allow me to not only see if I can survive such an ordeal, but provide me with a relative time frame for completing the actual event as well. Also it allows me to gauge just how horribly I will perform so I can prepare for the public humiliation I have set myself up to receive.

In preparation for this run I have set equivalent distances to the actual triathlon with a 10.4 mile bike route and a 3.2 mile running… jogging, probably walking route that centers around our current residence and my father in-law’s house since that is where I will be doing the swimming portion (16 full laps = 200 yards).


Knowing how long it takes me to complete a route that is comparable to the Cicero triathlon will give me an idea of what to expect when I run the real thing and it will help set a goal for the big day. My hope is that if I simply just set a goal of a time that I want to beat that I won’t get caught up in trying to race the other participants and in the process make an even bigger fool of myself. Also, I have been told that you shouldn’t push yourself too hard the week before a competition, so Sunday will be my final big push with the rest of the week being simple runs, bikes or swims to keep me on my toes… that is if I am still able to function afterword.

Tomorrow is Fat Friday and I can tell you that it will be very similar to last Friday. As I came into work this morning the scale read the exact same thing as it did before. Of course I know that those topless pictures will keep you coming back for more no matter what the weight change might be.

Work vs. Updates vs. Moving vs. Training

I apologize for the late post today. We’ve been getting in huge shipments of motorcycle lifts and chocks at work over the past couple of days and unloading them from the containers is a long and strenuous process. To give you an idea of just how exhausting of a job it is, yesterday we had two chains of guys unloading over 2,000 pieces of equipment that weigh twenty pounds each by hand for a little over an hour straight. Now only do your arms get sore from constantly lifting, but the inside of the container is nothing more than a hot box that causes you to sweat twice as bad as you normally would. This is an event that happens usually twice a year and leaves me looking something like this.


Look at that nastiness. It’s hard to go back to your desk job after you are covered in sweat and dirt let alone try to knock out a blog update. That picture was obviously taken after a previous unloading as I am no longer rockin’ the fu man chu style beard. Every now and then I like to mix up the facial hair and I personally think that the fu man chu helps me look like I know a little something about motorcycles (even though I know next to nothing). Here is another one of myself down in Daytona Beach for Bike Week.


While I do cover myself in sweat and put strain on muscles that I hardly ever use, unloading these huge containers is no replacement for actual training and exercise. Unfortunately I have only been able to get to the gym once so far this week and was only there for a half an hour as it was already 10:30 at night and I was already exhausted from working on the new house. We are hoping to be completely moved in by this Saturday, so I should be able to get back to a more rigid training schedule after then… though I will only have a week left by that point in time.

That's What Friends Are For

Running a triathlon is not an idea that I would come up with on my own. The first time that it was brought to my attention was last year when my father worked as a volunteer at the Cicero Triathlon and saw my good friend Alex competing. My father then joked about the two of us training to compete the following year and I replied by saying that there was no way I would be able to do such an event.

The second time that the idea was floated my way was when I was getting together with two of my best friends, one of them being Alex, to simply catch up and see how our lives have been. Alex has always been an athlete and participates in events such as the Indianapolis Mini Marathon, so in passing I brought up the Cicero Triathlon and asked how his training was going for this year. After that things get blurry.

Alex had somehow convinced both Gary and me to participate in the event along with him this year even though it was a little over two months away and we had never done anything such as this before. Being a swimmer in high school, Gary had persuaded me that the swimming portion would be a piece of cake and that the only real hurdle would be the three mile run at the end of the event. So by the end of the night, we are all in for an experience I am sure we will never forget.

Above I posted a picture of the three of us, from left to right Gary, myself and Alex. It isn’t the best picture as it was taken at my bachelor party probably thirty minutes before everything went black and there is severe memory loss for the rest of that night.

These two have been very gung-ho about participating in the triathlon while my other friends have reacted slightly more realistically to my announcement. It’s not that the others doubt my desire to complete the event, but when a guy does little to no physical activity for the majority of his life it is reasonable to doubt in my ability to do so. I know that they are simply worried about my overall health and would prefer for me to be alive seeing that a dead guy doesn’t make for a very good friend. But surprisingly I haven’t come across any people that are completely unsupportive about the idea.

Obviously this blog was meant to be a humorous approach to the fact that an obese man such as myself would attempt such an event. But I have to say that the overwhelming support I have received from my friend and family has meant an awful lot to me. Only eleven more days to go.

Weekend Update

First and foremost, the painting of our new house is finally complete. While this should mean that I will have more time to focus on my training, the actual interpretation comes out to suggest that we can now start working on moving all of our junk over from the old house. I know that with only two weeks left I should be putting the triathlon as a top priority, but seeing that participating in this triathlon is only going to be a onetime thing that I probably shouldn’t be attempting in the first place, my family takes precedence.

I was more diligent about preparing for the triathlon this weekend than I was last week. Not only did I wake up early to get some training in, but Steph and I also headed downtown to The Runners Forum to pick up some new gear to replace the current equipment that I have worn to shreds. The salesman, Smitty I believe, was very helpful in assisting me in choosing the proper gear that fit my specific needs. I informed him that I was getting ready to run my first triathlon and that there were some specific things I needed before being able to do so. It was nice that he didn’t break down laughing at that point, but he was a business man that wanted to make a sale so I am sure he waited to do so until after I left.

The first item that Smitty helped me decide upon was proper running shoes. For those of you that don’t know, I have some seriously messed up legs where the bones twisted as they grew causing one of my legs to be shorter than the other. Trust me, I have heard every joke possible about skating in a circle due to this problem. But I digress… One of the main reasons that I choose to go to the Runners Forum over the Footlocker is that they actually help you pick a shoe that fits your running style. I had to run up and down this make-shift track as Smitty watched my stride and decided what type of shoes would best support the blubbery mass that was tromping through his store. After trying on several pairs, we finally decided upon these…


They are very comfortable. In fact, Stephanie had to make sure to remind me that I am only to wear these shoes while I am working out since she knows I would wear them everywhere as I do with any pair of sneakers that I get. The best part about The Runners Forum was that Smitty actually helped me get a pair of shoes that fit and worked the best for me instead of just trying to push the highest cost pair my way. I saw the price on some of those things and almost fainted. I guess when your main hobby is running you spend as much on shoes as I do on comics and candy.

There was another item that I picked up at the store as well, but I am saving it for a special post. Just know that I am now fully equipped with the gear that will help me complete this triathlon in style.

Officially Registered

As I have yet to register for the triathlon, I have had several people doubt my intentions to actually participate. It has been said that until I am actually signed up and can provide verification of my registration that there is no guarantee that I will attempt to complete this triathlon. My response to the negative naysayers…


This afternoon I officially signed up to participate in the Cicero triathlon via GetMeRegistered.com and if that isn’t good enough proof for you…


Here is the email verification that was sent to my Joe Mamma Productions account.

Over sixty dollars down and all I will get to show for it is a t-shirt and possibly a heart attack. My real hope is that this will motivate me even further and help to kick my lazy butt into gear. Here’s hoping.

Fat Friday: 7-24-09

It’s finally here, the triumphant return of Fat Friday. That’s right. It is time for me to jump up on that scale and hope that it doesn’t read “TILT”. So since I know you have all been dying to see how my weight loss goal has been going…


So while the number is less than last time and even though I had an extra week to work on it, 289.6 is nowhere close to the goal that I had set for myself. Many things can attribute to this failure such as the lack of exercise I have been getting, the delicious chicken wings and fries from Wing Stop or BBQ chicken salad from Applebee’s that I’ve had for lunch this week, the fact that our new fridge only has leftovers from Hot Box Pizza and Church’s Chicken and I’ll even throw out the fact that maybe it’s just genetic… it’s not but I can say that. No matter what the cause is I have not done very well over the past two weeks. My wife has told me several times that I look as if I am slimming down, but I don’t know if she is being honest or nice. Of course I took pictures to help me decide.


I guess my stomach does look a little smaller in this picture compared to the… hell, it looks exactly the same as the last one. In fact I think that the one pound difference probably came from the hair that I cut and shaved off of my head. I’m pretty sure that if you bagged all those clippings it would weigh at least one pound if not more.

With that out of the way my next plan of action is to prepare for the weekend. More painting, packing and moving is top of the priority list right now, but I’ve been told that I have a few more things that I should look into getting before attempting to complete a triathlon. Apparently the hand-me-down Reebok shoes that I have been wearing for the better part of a year aren’t the best choice for running shoes and I’ve been told that if I wear my three year old swim trunks that there is a good chance I could severely injure my inner thighs when I switch over to the bike portion of the race. What does this mean? In the coming week you can plan on getting some updates of my brand spankin’ new triathlon gear. Now I just have to get back to training so I can actually use the stuff.

Exercise Break

As I have mentioned several times now, my wife and I have just recently purchased our first house and have been working diligently (she's doing the majority of the work, I mainly just act as if I am doing something) to make this house our home. So between motorcycle shows, the house closing and a ton of painting my exercise routine has gone downhill. The last time that I pushed myself physically was last Friday at the hotel gym where I ran on the elliptical machine for an hour while a bunch of old men sat around watching Fox News… talk about a test of strength.

So it is back again to trying to find that balance between work, home, exercise and creativity. I do have to say that even though I am upset about the loss of training time, I have thoroughly enjoyed spending time with my wife as we start a brand new chapter in our lives together. Awww… I know, it sickens me as well. But if I had to choose between sweating my butt off or spending quality time with my family, I will always choose family because I love them and it usually doesn’t consist of hard manual labor.

Of course we haven’t been working alone either. Steph’s mom has been over every day helping us prep and paint and my dad stopped by unexpectedly the other day and mowed our whole yard for as since I have yet to get my own lawn mower. I love our family.

Tomorrow is Fat Friday, so be prepared for another addition to those pictures that you love so much. Don’t be expecting anything great in the way of weight loss however as I am guessing that my weight will still be hovering around 290 if not more. I really do need to kick it into high gear seeing that there are only 15 days left until the big event. I am so not ready for this.

Pizza Power!

I don’t know if my love of pizza stems from my infatuation with the Ninja Turtles or if it just my fat side loving a food that condenses meals into edible slices, but there is no doubt that I thoroughly enjoy a well made pizza pie. Thin crust, hand tossed, deep dish… I love every one of them. In fact I would say that pizza is in the top ten list of foods that have assisted in my fatness. Is it my fault that thin crust pizzas are so thin that eating three pieces is technically just like having only one?

The only thing that can make eating pizza better is getting it at a pizza buffet. Have a slice of buffalo chicken followed by a deep dish supreme and keep on going with a thin crust veggie… the options are endless. Not only do pizza buffets offer up a multitude of regular pizza options, most of them include some sort of dessert pizza as well. Forget tomato sauce, meat and cheese, I want a cinnamon sugar crust with cherry pie filling topped off with cinnamon crumbles and smothered with icing.

Buffets of any kind can be very dangerous for a man who loves to eat, but they can also aid in training for events of gluttony. A while back, a co-worker of mine had decided that he was going to participate in a local pizza eating contest. Not having been in such an event before, a group of us decided that it would be best to have a contest of our own so that he wouldn’t go in not having some experience under his belt. The details are rather hazy and others seem to remember me eating more than I think I did, but after about twenty slices my co-worker headed out to the parking lot to purge while I continued to eat my delicious dessert pizza, and breadsticks, and a couple more slices of dessert pizza…

If you have been following the facebook group you know that even during my triathlon training I have indulged myself with a few slices of this delicious food. In fact, while we’ve been painting and getting our new house ready, Steph and I had Hot Box Pizza deliver right to our front door. Nothing satisfies at the end of the day like a supreme pizza on whole wheat crust. Now I just have to double up my exercise tonight to work it all off.

Back Home Again

The only reason that this post is being made is because I promised to do so. The bike show in Carlisle Pennsylvania was as fun and exhausting as all bike shows usually are. There was only one difference between this show and the others that I have attended. As soon as we got back home from this show I had to take off and head to the closing of our brand new house. Needless to say, it made for a long day of which I am not completely rested.

On the weight front it is back to square one. I didn’t eat horribly while I was away and I actually got down to the hotel gym twice during our stay… but on the way home we stopped at Cracker Barrel and I couldn’t seem to find anything else to order besides the Mama’s Pancake Breakfast with blueberry pancakes. That coupled with riding in a truck for over twenty hours while stuffing my face with beef jerky has put me right back at 290.1 lbs. Solution? I need to kick it into high gear… while catching up on the work I missed last week, painting our new house and moving everything in. If I do get any free time it is going to be hard to choose between taking a nap or exercise.

I apologize for not supplying any of those topless pictures that you all adore so much. I will make sure to get them taken for this Friday when I plan on hitting the goal of 185 a week late. Until then it is back to the Slim Fast bars for breakfast and lunch and a sensible meal for dinner. Pizza and breadsticks are sensible right? With a slice of pie for dessert… oh how I miss that tasty pastry.

Fat Friday Delayed?

I apologize if this update seems hastily written, but that is because it is. I am getting ready to head to Carlisle Pennsylvania for a motorcycle show that will last all weekend and will probably keep me away from a computer until Tuesday. Going to shows is an aspect of my job that I absolutely love, but it can take me away from friends and family for quite some time. I have yet to figure out the fine balance of work and trying to keep this blog updated regularly or any other creative project that I try to undertake. With that said, as much as I will try to get something up, I highly doubt that there will be any new content until Tuesday. I know that you were all looking forward to more topless pictures of me this Friday, but I will just have to do a delayed Fat Friday update when I get back. I did hop on the scale on my way in this morning and it read just above 286, but these events usually help me gain a couple of pounds so I will more than likely be back to 290 when I weigh in officially on Tuesday. Of course that is only going to give me three days until the next weigh in, but I think I can handle the pressure. Thank you to all who have been following along thus far and I will have an update ready to go Tuesday morning. Have a wonderful weekend.

The Most Important Meal Of The Day

I have yet to try the famous Luther Burger and while I don’t particularly care for baseball, I would be willing to drive to Comstock Park Michigan just to try the West Michigan Whitecap’s Fifth Third Burger. These are just two of the many amazing foods that have escaped my grasp thus far. Every now and then I take a look around the internet and come across some amazing finds of food fatness. Today I have focused on my favorite meal of the day, breakfast. At no other time can we eat pan fried cake batter and not be judged by others.

I came across this amazing invention and automatically wanted one… okay, maybe five. This beauty consists of a bacon cone filled with scrambled eggs and country gravy topped off with a biscuit. There is nothing better than putting regular foods together in a stunning display of gluttony.

Another one of my favorite things I found was this blueberry waffle sandwich. This healthy start to your day has two eggs, two sausage links, ham, string cheese and bacon squeezed between two blueberry waffles that have been glazed with maple syrup.

It’s not enough that the regular pancakes, waffles and french toast that we have are bad for us… we have to make them worse… I mean delicious. I tip my cap to the likes of The International House of Pancakes for providing society with cream cheese stuffed French toast and all you can eat pancake platters. One of my personal favorites that I don’t think is served anymore is the cinnamon role French toast. Take a delicious and sticky cinnamon role, cut it in half, dip it in French toast batter and fry that baby up! Covered in maple syrup, this morning starter will make your teeth ache for hours… wonderful.

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A Regular John Keating

I haven’t really shared any stories that explain how I got to be as big as I am… until now.

For two years I was the video production teacher at a local high school. My class was one of the few that allowed the students to leave the campus during school hours if they had a permission slip signed by their parent/guardian and if I allowed them to do so. The reason that they were permitted to leave the school grounds was so that they could get footage for the projects that I had assigned. Of course most of them simply just wanted to leave for the sake of leaving and I wouldn’t agree to that. However, one day, a student who had actually gone out to work on a project brought me back a double cheeseburger from McDonalds just because. Noticing how much I enjoyed the gift, the other students concocted a plan. It was on this day that the exchange of food for freedom began.

Students would ask to go “shoot some footage” that I knew was a blatant cover for simply wanting to leave and would then offer to bring back food if I allowed them to do so. Being the mature individual that I was, and still am, I took their offer but told them to make sure to actually get some footage… which I never did see. This continued on through the rest of my stay at the school. If a student approached me wanting to leave with an obviously fake excuse for doing so, I would ask what they would bring back for me. If they wanted to abuse the privilege of being able to leave, you can bet that I was going to get something out of it.

Lucky enough for me, I had good students who were rather smart about the fact that they had an excellent thing going. Video equipment was always checked out upon their departure and they always managed to sneak whatever food they had gotten back in without being noticed. One of the most impressive displays of this was when three separate groups had gone out, one legitimately and the other two just because. All three had gone and got themselves something to eat and brought back enough food for their fellow classmates as well. Let’s just say that a lunch consisting of a personal pan pizza, cheeseburger and two bean burritos would make any food lover happy.

I Want To Ride My

A while back I took inventory of everything I was going to need to run this triathlon properly. Sneakers for running: on my feet right now. Swim gear for swimming: same pair of trunks I’ve had for three years now. Bike for riding… The only bicycling that I had been doing until that point was on a stationary bike at the gym. I hadn’t even thought about needing a bike. Lucky for me my little sister was gracious enough to lend me her vintage Huffy Black Water Mountain Bike.



Check out all of the cool features it comes with. Ripped up gel padded seat, sticky gears, deflated tires, genuine rust coating and my personal favorite, handle bars that won’t rise up so that I have to lean over the entire time I am riding it. What a gem!

But I am not one to turn a free bike down. In fact, Steph (my wife) and I have been riding all over town since I’ve gotten this baby. Some of our better rides include going to the Elbow Room where our waiter gave us an entire pitcher of water since he obviously thought I was about to pass out and biking to the Shelby Street Café & Bistro for breakfast where I sat catching my breath for a good five minutes before I could even eat anything. Yes, this bike is the start to a brand new era of being extremely sore and wishing I would have just driven to places.

The best part about my new bike is how unique it will be compared to the others in the triathlon. While other guys will have supped up sport bikes with custom handle bars, fancy racing wheels and man legs that just won’t quit… I’ve got a basket! That’s right. While all these other basketless riders will be reaching out to people on the sidelines for water, I’ll just reach forward and grab whatever I might’ve put in there before the race… such as a mid-race hoagie? Who knows?

At least I am fully geared and ready to do this thing. Now the only question that remains is can I actually survive.

Steph got a little photo happy when taking the shots of the bike, so I put some of the other pictures for you to take a gander at. Enjoy!

What You've All Been Waiting For

So what's the point of calling this blog Fritz Is Fat if people are always wondering, "Exactly how fat is he?" Well my friends, today I solve that mystery by presenting you with the first in many installments of FAT FRIDAY. Every Friday I hope to give you an update of what my exact weight is and how my progress has been going. Why on Friday? So I can weigh myself, hopefully show some improvement and then go binge eat at Hot Box Pizza and Cold Stone Creamery all weekend long. This gives me Monday through Friday to get back on track and appear to be improving. So today, on the way to my cubicle area, I stopped by the pallet scale in the shipping department and took this snapshot.


Ladies and gentlemen, I am now officially at 290.6 lbs. Now I know that most of you are thinking, “But Jake, you don’t look like you are pushing three hundred pounds,” and to that I say THANK YOU. However, my 6’3” frame and stylish clothing can be rather deceiving. To combat the unnecessary compliments I am providing you with this second picture as proof of my current weight.


The first picture doesn’t look terribly bad. I’ve just got some major love handles to work off. But as soon as I turn to the side, LOOK OUT! HOLY HELL! Look at that gut… and man boobs… and… well, you saw the body hair in the first picture. I am sure that I will be getting complaints about how people lost their vision due to the grotesque display that I presented. Maybe I should have marked this post as “Not Work Safe” just in case any of you became physically ill.

As a side note, I apologize for the half-assed picture. My beautiful wife and I are getting ready to purchase our first home so things are a little disheveled and we didn’t have any great spots to set the picture up. I do have to say that she did an excellent job of holding her dinner down while snapping the shot though. Way to go babe!

With that update out of the way… I have been told that when one is trying to lose weight that a goal should be set that motivates that person to do better. I’ve never done well with goals as I see them as rules and the one phrase that dictates most of my behavior in life is that rules were made to be broken. But since I am putting this out there for all to see, I suppose I will set a rather standard goal for next Fat Friday. Five pounds. That’s right, by next Friday I will weigh in at 285 lbs so be sure to check in next Friday to find out how fat I really am.

Slim Fast Sucks

I’ve never cared for any kind of dark chocolate, the vanilla and strawberry taste as if the main ingredient is chalk and after I drink the cappuccino flavor I smell it every time that I go to the restroom. Whether you are drinking the brand name Slim-Fast or the generic Slim-Rite, these dietary shakes are some of the most awful tasting things on the planet. With that said, I kinda like the milk chocolate flavored Slim Fasts. They remind me of the sugar free Jell-O pudding pops that your mom would sneak into the freezer to replace the regular pudding pops with in order to keep you from getting childhood diabetes… or was I the only chubbo on the street with the permanent pudding pop ring around my lips all summer long?

Either way, out of all the “fad” diets I’ve tried and dietary supplements I’ve taken, Slim Fast seems to stick with me. I’ve got a box of the Chewy Granola Peanut Butter meal bars in my desk drawer right now. I started drinking the shakes during film school as a quick and cheap meal substitute since my hectic schedule kept me in classes or labs and I didn’t have the time to… who am I kidding? I was lazy and didn’t want to fix dinner and couldn’t afford to go out. Since then I have actually tried to use them to cut back on my calorie intake while still getting the necessary daily nutrients through these quick and easy meal supplements.

The shakes don’t cut it for me. I am likely to drink the shake and still feel hungry enough that I eat a whole other meal… or two. I’m not saying that I’ve had a shake for breakfast followed by a delicious chicken, egg and cheese on a sunflower multigrain bagel from Chik-Fil-A… I’m just saying it could happen. However, the meal bars do a decent job of filling me up and keeping me that way until I get to jam another one of those peanut butter flavored cardboard bars in my mouth. Currently my breakfast and lunch has consisted of these bars along with some milk or a banana. We’ll see if that helps out at all as I get closer and closer to attempting this triathlon.

Facebook Fatty

The original plan was to blog for about a week so there would be enough content on the site to seem interesting before I created a facebook group. However, as most of you know I went ahead and created one anyway. Procrastination was a big impetus behind this decision as I would always rather be sitting at my computer screwing around on the internet than doing anything productive. Anyway, it seems to have paid off since I now have over one hundred twenty-five members and it has only been up for one full day. Thank you to everybody who has left comments, posted pictures and given me some great ideas for future posts. I promise that I will try my best to keep you all entertained while I attempt to show the world that even us fat fat fatties can accomplish what others consider impossible.

For those of you who haven’t joined yet, here is the link to the Fritz Is Fat facebook group.

The Bell Gives Me Strength

Not that I’ve gone lately, but every time that I work out I get a craving for Taco Bell. There is just something about that grade F beef smothered in cheese and sour cream that hits the spot after an intense workout session (such as walking for an hour straight). I understand that my body is craving nourishment, but I have no idea why it constantly wants to run for the border. Maybe it’s my body refusing to let go of the cushion is has grown to know and love or maybe I am simply just that fat that I can’t stand to not eat what is obviously awful for me. Either way, there is nothing better than a supreme steak chalupa meal with a large diet Pepsi to melt away the aches and pains of exercise.

As you can see, eating this meal piles on another 910 calories to my daily diet. Good thing for me I don’t get an order of cinnamon twists or a caramel apple empanada for dessert… I think about it and almost never get one… or both… almost never.

Calorie Count gave the steak supreme chalupa a D+. That’s almost average, so it can’t be that bad for you. Right?

The What, Where & When

The idea to run a triathlon came to me a little less than a year ago when my father said he has seen one my good friends running in the triathlon held in Cicero Indiana. At that point in time my thinking was, “Man, I wish I was able to run something like that,” only wishing such because I wanted to be in shape, not because I desired to put myself through such exercise. Since then I have talked to several people about it and have convinced myself that participating in such an event will not be as difficult as I first thought it to be. Whether this is true or not will be seen on the 8th of August. But to help convince others, let me give a brief explanation of exactly what I will be doing.

Triathlon: A multi-sport endurance event consisting of swimming, cycling, and running in immediate succession over various distances.

The triathlon that I will be participating in (even though I have yet to send in my entry form) will be held in Cicero Indiana on the 8th of August.
Click Here to check it out for yourself.

This triathlon is what Wikipedia calls a Super Sprint. This means that the distance for each event is rather short and shouldn’t be terribly difficult to complete. Below I’ve listed off the distance for each event.

Swim: .2 mile    Bike: 9.5 mile    Run: 3.1 mile
Total = 12.8 miles

For me, thirteen miles just doesn’t seem all that long. And let’s not forget that I am not actually racing, but just wanting to complete this event. Of course I don’t want to be the last person to cross the finish line either. I guess that’s the price you pay when your favorite food is pie.

The Begining Of The End

Before we begin let me say that this is not another weight loss blog. While I am the heaviest I have ever been and have decided to do something about it, I will not be writing about diet plans or exercise programs or any of that boring junk. To me, exercise is work and work is boring. Besides, who wants to read about how good water is for the body or why complex carbs are better than… yawn. If you are looking for weight loss tips, this isn’t the place to find them. Now with that out of the way…

The last time I weighed myself I was only five pounds shy of hitting three hundred. I spend the majority of my time sitting in front of a computer writing and editing information for products and advertisements or playing World of Warcraft. Disregarding my college kickball team (which was only a group of friends playing for fun), I haven’t participated in any kind of athletic activity since my freshman gym teacher held detention over my head if I refused to run laps. Every article I’ve read or podcast that I’ve listened to says that a man of my current status is in no condition for participating in a triathlon. In fact, the majority of them consider it to be a ridiculously impossible task and anybody who would forge ahead is incredibly stupid for putting themselves in such a situation due to the potential damage that can be done to their body. Still, here I am ready to throw myself head-first into something that I know little about and am not even quite sure I can handle.

Why? The simple answer to that question, because I should be able to. While I have refrained from doing any kind of physical activity for the majority of my life, a twenty-six year old should still be able to complete such an endeavor. Notice that I did not say compete, but simply complete, finish, be able to last through, not die because of. So from now until August 8th I will be discussing my “training” as I get ready to run my first triathlon. Updates after August 8th are dependent upon my ability to still function.